Friends make life enjoyable. They give us security, boost our self-esteem, and bring happiness. Studies show that feeling connected to others is one of the best predictors of happiness, and loneliness can lead to health issues and even shorten your life. But despite wanting close friendships, many people struggle to form or maintain them.
Let’s explore why making friends can be difficult and how you can build strong, lasting friendships.
Why It’s Hard to Make Friends
One of the main reasons many people don’t have enough friends is that friendships aren’t prioritized. Work, relationships, and personal commitments often take up so much time that it feels easier to relax alone rather than reach out to others. As we get older, finding time and energy for friends becomes more difficult.
The COVID-19 pandemic has also worsened the situation, especially for young people. Social distancing disrupted natural opportunities to meet new friends at school, clubs, or social events, making loneliness more widespread.
The Key to Making Friends: Spend Time Together
The most important part of forming friendships is simple: spend time together. In ancient times, friendships naturally developed in small, close-knit communities because people spent a lot of time around each other. Even today, the easiest way to make friends is by regularly interacting with others.
School and university are prime examples of this—people are put in the same space with similar schedules, allowing friendships to grow through shared experiences.
- Proximity matters: Studies show that people are more likely to become friends with those who live or work near them. For example, in dorms, students who live closer to each other are more likely to become friends.
- Show up: Just being physically present around others can increase your chances of forming friendships. This explains why people who attend the same classes or events regularly often become friends, even if they don’t talk much at first.
Why Friendships Fade
Friendships require time and attention. As life gets busy, it’s easy to let friendships slip, sometimes without realizing it. This is especially true for adults, who may find that work, family, and other commitments take priority over socializing.
Technology can also play a role. Many teenagers today spend more time on apps like TikTok than actually socializing with friends, which can lead to fewer real-life connections.
Another reason friendships fade is the friendship paradox—the phenomenon that most people have fewer friends than their friends do. If a friend who is a social “hub” drifts away, it can lead to a loss of many connections at once.
How to Make New Friends
To make new friends, look for people with similar interests and be intentional about building connections. Here’s how to get started:
- Join activities you enjoy: Whether it’s a local club, a hobby store, or an online group, find spaces where people with shared interests gather. Extroverts may prefer lively events, while introverts might enjoy quieter settings like book clubs or park strolls.
- Explore your workplace: Work is a great place to make friends, especially with colleagues who share your interests. Just be mindful of power dynamics, and focus on building relationships with peers.
- Reconnect with old friends: Sometimes, all it takes to rekindle an old friendship is reaching out. If you’ve lost touch with someone, give them a call or send a message. Studies show that people usually appreciate it when someone makes the effort to reconnect.
- Create opportunities: Take the initiative to organize social gatherings, like a dinner party, a sports game, or a board game night. People appreciate those who bring others together, and it’s a great way to meet new friends.
Building Strong Friendships
Once you’ve started to make connections, it’s important to maintain them. Here are some tips:
- Check in regularly: Show genuine interest in your friends’ lives. If something big happens to them—whether it’s exciting or challenging—reach out and show that you care.
- Be patient: Building strong friendships takes time, so don’t rush it. Let the relationship develop naturally, and be kind to yourself if it takes a little while to find your social rhythm.
- Care and share: One of the best ways to build a friendship is by showing interest in the other person. Ask questions, listen, and find out what they care about. Also, share your own experiences and open up—this helps create a bond of trust and understanding.
Final Thoughts
Making friends doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does require effort. By prioritizing relationships, spending time with people, and showing genuine care, you can form meaningful, lasting friendships.
Remember, there are plenty of people out there who would be thrilled to have you as a friend. So take that first step and go meet them!
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